pope with rocky statue

Sam Bradford, manspreading and the PPA: 6 prayers we have for Pope Francis while he’s in Philly

The head of the Catholic Church on earth is here on American soil and has already gotten off a plane (to much fanfare and surprise!), driven around in an adorable li’l Fiat and stopped Washington D.C. from doing any work (not that much normally gets done there, anyway).

In 72 hours after visiting New York, Pope Francis will finally be here in Philadelphia for the World Meeting of Families, several public outings and a massive Papal service on the Benjamin Franklin Parkway on Sunday.

But we’re assuming he has a little bit of time to kill. And while he’s here, maybe he could pretty please answer some of our prayers for the city:

1. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FIX SAM BRADFORD’S KNEE and maybe his arm? And maybe his brain? And maybe Chip Kelly while you’re at it? Maybe?

bradford and pope

Pope Francis blesses our dear Eagles quarterback who needs all the help he can get.

2. You see Holy Father, in Philadelphia we have these “awareness cones.” They’re put up near holes so the city doesn’t have to really do anything about it. Please advise.

awarenesscone pope

Pope Francis stares at an awareness cone and wonders why it exists. Only Philadelphia knows.

3. Fix manspreading on the subway so that we can ALL fit on the Broad Street Line without having to curl into submission in a corner somewhere.

This is Pope Francis, ending manspreading.

This is Pope Francis, ending manspreading.

4. Try out a Wawa hoag — OH WAIT THAT’S ALREADY HAPPENING.

Pope Francis with his hoagie in the BRAND NEW WAWA.

Pope Francis with his hoagie in the BRAND NEW WAWA.

5. Help us do something about the PPA, our dear Pope Francis. And for the love of all that is holy, do not park in the Francis Festival Zone.

The Pope's Fiat is towed by the PPA :(

The Pope's Fiat is towed by the PPA 🙁

6. Meet the new Phillies manager Pete Mackanin while you’re in town, and help us get at least one of our beloved sports teams back to the glory days.

Pope Francis and Pete Mackanin.

Pope Francis and Pete Mackanin.

Bonus:

While you’re in New York, can you do something about this rat carrying a slice of pizza?

Pope Francis and Pizza Rat.

Pope Francis and Pizza Rat.

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