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LaCroix, Philly Style: 10 local-inspired flavors you’ll never, ever want to taste

The popular canned sparkling water has a new flavor generator. Do not try these at home.

It’s hard to go anywhere these days without seeing someone enjoying a refreshing can of LaCroix, the popular sparkling beverage that comes in a variety of flavors.

Maybe…too many flavors.

The enterprising internet tricksters at Nelson Cash created the website MyLaCroix, where fans of the bev they can create their own customized soda can designs to go with the flavor of their choice.

The site is clear: they are not affiliated with the water brand. Still, it is fun to imagine some delicious unique flavors they haven’t yet decided to produce.

Or, as it were, it’s fun to imagine what Philly flavors would taste like. So we did it. Here are 10 Philly-centric LaCroix cans. We stress, do not try these flavors at home.

Schuylkill Punch

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This was the first flavor created in the Billy Penn newsroom. We imagine it has a twinge of metallic “can” flavor, with a delicate bouquet of gridlock.

Pretzels & Mustard

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We delved into actual Philly flavors next, with the ideal snack combination of pretzels and mustard that tastes great as a food, but perhaps less great as a carbonated water.

Philly Cheesesteak

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Try it with whiz. (We had to. I mean, we didn’t have to. But we had to.)

Arctic Splash

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If LaCroix is taking actual flavor suggestions, this is certainly our nominee. Though make sure, LaCroix, you figure out your sweetener situation first.

Bridge to Jersey

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Those looking for more “river water” might like a trek over to Jersey. The can represents the bridge color, certainly not the muddy brown (we hope it’s mud) the Delaware has turned into over the years.

Dilworth Fountain

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Speaking of water you never want to drink…splash a little of this on your face. Or don’t. Seriously, don’t.

Ocean Prime Dumpster

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While you’re near City Hall, take a walk down 15th St., past Chestnut and Sansom to high-end seafood joint Ocean Prime. Then walk past Ocean Prime, turn right on Moravian St., and you will know exactly what we are talking about. For the full flavor experience, the hotter the day, the better.

Phillie Phanatic

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While we’re on the topic of terrible smells, the best mascot in America does not exactly smell as good as he looks. Yes, this can looks like a Mountain Dew, we admit. It probably tastes just like one, too.

Awareness Cone

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Ah, Awareness Cone. We don’t know what this would taste like, but there’s probably a…rubber…aftertaste to it? Perhaps some faint notes of gravel with a hint of tar.

L’eau de SEPTA

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