firehydrants
Flickr Creative Commons/Billy Penn illustration

The 8 sexiest fire hydrants in Philadelphia

Philadelphia is a metropolis on the rise — at least when it comes to hotties.

Proof? We haven’t landed on Travel + Leisure’s “Ugliest Cities in America” list since all the way back in 2014. And last year, Playboy put Philly on a list of the nation’s 25 “sexiest” cities. (Really.)

Local media is all over this news. Several outlets have undertaken the important task of pointing out who gives us that hot rep. Without the Daily News’ annual “Sexy Singles” edition, how would we know who to thank for making us look good? Of course, there’s also NBC10’s gallery of “Philly’s Sexiest Men Alive” to use as a reference. And maybe we should tip our collective hat to the booming restaurant scene, which has a lot of sexy folks in it, at least according to this new Philly Style Mag story — although their list is only six people who all happen to be white men.

That got us thinking: What makes someone, or something, sexy? What if you’re into other things? (Or maybe your dog is.) Like, for instance, fire hydrants.

Just because we see them every day, we shouldn’t take these seductive statues that enliven our streets with a provocative splash of color for granted. We use (and abuse) them without giving them the notice they deserve. How else would we fill our dumpster pools?

With apologies to the sexy singles, chefs and/or bartenders that frequent these lists, we present here the eight sexiest fire hydrants in Philly. Splish. Splash.

1. The Daringly Dapper

So dapper

So dapper

Flickr Creative Commons/Sarah J

Just look at the sleek gloss on this puppy. It takes work to maintain a sheen like that on streets that never get cleaned. And pairing deep forest green with shout-me-down orange? Bold and brilliant.

2. The Gentle Iconoclast

Loud and proud

Loud and proud

Flickr Creative Commons/Novaid Khan

If there’s anything more attractive than giving back to your community — like this cascading stud is doing by providing water to the earth below — it’s being not afraid to stand out from the surroundings.

3. The Quietly Confident

Sexiness by association

Sexiness by association

Flickr Creative Commons/CK, Carl, Carlo, Carlito

Whether you like it or not, people will judge you by those you surround yourself with — so when you know you’re in good company, there’s no need to flaunt. Just stand proud and let it shine.

4. The Steampunk Classic

History is always attractive

History is always attractive

Flickr Creative Commons/Rick Berg

Throwback is a come-on, especially when it’s authentic. This Eastern State Penitentiary looker has been holding it down for decades, if not centuries, and still looks sharp as ever.

5. The Tartan Stunner

Imagine if it has a Scottish accent!

Imagine if it has a Scottish accent!

Flickr Creative Commons/thepodger

Plaid, baby, plaid. Taking a style concept and just running with it, all the way? Now that is attractive.

6. The Natural Look

Don't leave...

Don't leave...

Flickr Creative Commons/Karen Christine Hibbard

Wrapping yourself in lush greenery is such a “come hither” move. It says, “I’m one with nature and the Earth — don’t you want to be, too?” (Bonus points for using ivy on an Ivy League campus; this hydrant is at Penn.)

7. The Unattainable

So happy together

So happy together

Flickr Creative Commons/Peter & Lalla

Admit it: A successful long-term relationship is actually a turn on. (Just as long as there’s not too much PDA.)

8. The Futuristic Flair

Shimmery!

Shimmery!

Flickr Creative Commons/John Cappiello

Oooh, look how the silver and blue contrasts with the red brick. Look at the matching the ring warning you not to touch, just gaze. Turns out this hydrant is in Lower Merion, not Philly proper. But even so — be still, beating heart. Fire hydrant sexiness knows no boundaries.

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