The Philadelphia Women’s Expo sounds awful. We made it better

Apparently it’s hard to sell $5 tickets to see two “Real Housewives” at a Montgomery County expo center. Who knew?!

“The Nation’s Largest Women’s Expo” is coming to Philadelphia this weekend and it sounds like something Donald Trump might have organized.

A Billy Penn reader shared with us a free ticket she scored in a Center City Starbucks. Because apparently it’s hard to sell $5 tickets to see two “Real Housewives” at a Montgomery County expo center. Who knew?!

The free pass promises womanly things like mani/pedis, holiday shopping and a “Hair Stage,” whateverthefuck that means.

Here, Women’s Expo, we fixed that for you:

We fixed the Philadelphia Women's Expo (original program on the left).

We fixed the Philadelphia Women's Expo (original program on the left).

Billy Penn Illustration

The women on our staff — and the staff of our Pittsburgh sister site, The Incline came up with way too many ideas to fit on this tiny ticket, and also had some thoughts about who would make better speakers. A portion of that conversation from our company Slack is below, edited for brevity:

Shannon Wink (Billy Penn managing editor): ok, what are 10 things you’d rather have at a women’s expo than this shit?

Anna Orso (Billy Penn reporter/curator): Beer tasting

Cassie Owens (Billy Penn reporter/curator): instead of wine tasting?? j/k i respect consensus

Lexi Belculfine (The Incline editor): i’m w cassie. what about wine AND beer AND whiskey tasting

CO: and whiskey yaasssss

Angela Smith (Billy Penn VP of sales & events): whiskey!

Jayna Wallace (designer for Billy Penn & The Incline): Why must women rely on alcohol to have fun

SW: if you don’t like wine are you even a woman? also, salary negotiations

Danya Henninger (Billy Penn culture editor): Easy home workouts (which I can’t believe they don’t actually have on there)

AO: How to teach your son about harassment

DH: How to deal with mansplaining without resorting to violence. Why you don’t have to smile

AS: Work/life balance is actually a real thing and not a pipe dream

SW: replace Holiday Shopping with #treatyoself

AO: How to get ready for work in 10 minutes or less: A workshop on proper caffeine consumption and planning ahead (not hair and makeup, sry)

Allison Hartman (Billy Penn sales & events manager): Don’t buy things that will look good if you “lose 5 lbs.” Buy what makes you feel good, now. Letting go of relationships that cause you grief. Feeling safe at home alone

SW: something else financial…. investment, buying a home, etc

AH: Saving up for something big. Like a monthly plan or something

SW: DIY home repairs

JW: Pink hammers don’t work better than every other hammer

SW: how to get involved in politics/run for office

Angie Nassar (audience development manager for Billy Penn and The Incline): a menstruation summit where we burn tampons and bleed on canvases and hang them as wall art. feeeeemallllessss

JW: Why do haircuts cost so damn much

AO: honestly

LB: How to talk to young girls in your life without commenting on their appearance

SW: you’re so pretty!

JW: Related, for tweens: Those kids who’re being mean aren’t doing it because they like you.

SW: omg yes. that boy pulling your hair is just an asshole

JW: YES

SW: this flier is pretty white/cis-oriented, too

AO: any other ideas for speakers? who are not famous for being housewives? sister mary. cindy bass

SW: who’s a good celeb? since that’s their angle

AO: tina fey

JW: Helen Mirren. Oprah. Ellen DeGeneres

AO: amy gutmann repping higher education in philly

SW: Shonda Rhimes? she has a lot of important stuff to say about inclusivity and diversity

AO: oh hell yeah get it shonda

i would like to hear from an astronaut. just because

JW: Joan Jett

AO: ok gotta get back to writing about two white men running for political office brb

AN: in defense of just being a normal fucking human being: ordinary philly moms

AO: im sorry i have one more thought. how to read the daily news while avoiding stu bykofsky’s thoughts

AH: i like that angie

SW: haaaaaaaaaaa can i getta Stop Apologizing session

AO: * retracts my slack at 1:12 that begins with “im sorry” *

AN: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

AH: also i wish i knew how to exit my house if there was an intruder. i know that seems anti-woman empowerment but it’s true

SW: a self defense thing would be good

AO: best ways for cis women to be more welcoming to trans women in everyday life

CO: Free coding classes rather than free makeovers. Massages can stay tho. 

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