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Read the news of the day in less than 10 minutes — not that we’re counting.

A week’s worth of Philadelphia news can be difficult to remember. And it can be so devoid of flavor, of life, of … music! At Billy Penn, we’ll help you recall the stories worth knowing by making a nifty soundtrack you can jam to. Here are the songs that best represented Philadelphia this week.

“Who’s Got the Herb?,” 311

Who’s got the herb, do you ask? We’ve got the herb, man. On Monday, Philadelphia became the largest metro in the U.S. to decriminalize mary jane. We could’ve picked a hundred songs to describe the occasion. For anyone who’s been smoking it up a little more this week or felt like doing it in public, here’s a longer list for you to enjoy.

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“Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” Deep Blue Something

Pa. attorney general Kathleen Kane halted a sting investigation of several Philadelphia public officials earlier this year. That didn’t stop Philly district attorney from continuing on the local level, and Thursday he charged a former traffic court judge with accepting a bribe, a $2,000 silver Tiffany bracelet to be exact. Hopefully she got to wear it before it was confiscated.

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“U Don’t Know Me,” T.I.

Monica Lewinsky name-dropped Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, Eminem, Lil’ B, Young Jeezy, Kid Cudi and even relatively-obscure rapper G-Eazy for rapping about her in their songs when she spoke Monday in Philly at the Forbes Under 30 Summit. She forgot T.I., though, whose jam fits her appearance best. Speaking publicly for the first time since the 90s, Lewinsky finally got the opportunity to address her past, her problems and tell everyone who she really is.

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“I Hate My Frickin’ I.S.P.,” Todd Rundgren 

One person involved in the porny emails scandal can’t use the internet anymore. Though state justice Seamus McCaffery is still getting his $200K salary during his suspension from work, the state of Pennsylvania cut off his state-provided internet at his house. Sorry Shay Shay. He must really be hating his I.S.P. right now. As the lyrics go, “I let my service provider make a junkie out of me/And then he cut me off from my online community/And I hate it, I hate it, I hate it”

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“Whip-Smart,” Liz Phair 

Philadelphia has a lot of millennials moving in, and most of us are super-smart. According to a study from City Observatory, Philadelphia ranks seventh in the nation in terms of population-share of millennials who have college degrees. Since 2000, Philadelphia has experienced 22 percent growth in people ages 25-34 with college degrees.

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“Where Is The Love?” Black Eyed Peas 

Pennsylvania lawmakers thought it would be cool to keep allowing us to eat our pets for dinner, even after state representative John Maher brought a dog with him to the statehouse on Monday. Where Is The Love, y’all? I certainly don’t know.

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“Puppy Love,” Paul Anka

While Harrisburg was turning its back on our pets, one group in Philadelphia was busy planning a spectacular event for dogs. The great people at the Bark In the Park 5K have scheduled for Saturday a puppy kissing booth. Yeah, we’re not exactly sure how it’s going to work, either. But still….puppy kissing booth.

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“Drunk On a Plane” Dierks Bentley

It’s the fourth (?!) annual Philadelphia Airport Restaurant week and through October 27, airport restaurants like Chickie’s and Pete’s and Legal Sea Foods have $20 prix fixe menus. Maybe all that great airport grub will entice to you to take the next logical step…gettin’ drunk on a plane!

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“Brave,” Sara Bareilles

Philadelphia was lucky enough to get not just one but two appearances from Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai. Before her acceptance speech for the Liberty Medal at the Constitution Center, the Pennsylvania Girls Choir performed a rendition of “Brave” for her.

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“Celebration,” Kool & The Gang

Guys, BillyPenn launched this week. Woo-hoo! Thanks for reading so far. It’s going to be great.

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Mark Dent is a reporter/curator at BillyPenn. He previously worked for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, where he covered the Jerry Sandusky scandal, Penn State football and the Penn State administration. His...