Deep voices. Frightening music. Questionable claims. In just a few hours, you won’t be seeing these anymore… Well, at least until the primary season rolls around again. And because you were busy watching Netflix and likely avoided all of them we figured we’d share the worst/ironically best/funniest with you right now.
“Get Real,” Tom Wolf
In which Tom Wolf tries to ingratiate himself to young people by using a buzzword pretty much last featured on this long-forgotten late 90s Fox dramedy.
“No, No, No,” Tom Corbett
Apparently Corbett didn’t want to be one-upped in having an ad that featured 90s television. So for this attack ad on Wolf, his campaign superimposed Wolf’s head on four old-looking TVs.
Armand James Plays Basketball
James, a Republican, is running against Chaka Fattah, who has won the 2nd district 10 times, in a district dominated by Democrats. He’s probably not going to win. But he’d probably smoke Fattah in basketball. He joins a friendly game in Philadelphia in this clip, and surprisingly it’s actually not bad. The camerawork is great, and James sinks a long jumper.
“Scary Movie,” Tom Corbett
If dead people, including that creepy girl from “The Ring” who crawls out of the TV could vote, then maybe Corbett wouldn’t be trailing Wolf by double digits.
“Kevin Strouse for Congress – SERIOUSLY,” Kevin Strouse
Guys, Kevin Strouse isn’t just a stone-faced Bucks County Democrat running for the U.S. house seat in Pennsylvania’s 8th district. He’s just like you and me. We’ve all donned pink horse heads and lets our kids shampoo our hair in the kitchen sink with dish soap, amirite?
“Jeeps,” Tom Wolf
Unfortunately this ad is no longer available online. That’s what happens when you find out a torture porn actor appeared in it. Womp. But Wolf filmed an earlier ad called “Tom’s Jeep” that will have to fill the void.
“Meet Freeholder Aimee Belgard,” Tom MacArthur
Belgard, a Democrat, and MacArthur, a Republican, are running for the 3rd district U.S. house position in South Jersey, and MacArthur has produced an attack ad that will blow your mind. He takes a janky 2010 ad from Belgard in which she appears only with a yellow notepad and Sharpie and makes fun of it in his own janky way — by using fonts and colors heretofore seen only in Nabisco commercials and music that sounds like it’s coming from Sideshow Bob’s slide whistle.
“Say Yes to Tom Corbett,” College Republican National Committee
This list had to end here. Had to. About the only positive thing for Corbett in the aftermath of this ad is at least he and his political team didn’t come up with it. That distinction belongs to the College Republicans.