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Read the news of the day in less than 10 minutes — not that we’re counting.

The Internet has kinda melted over the past several days as America collectively discovered MyIdol, a Chinese app where you can make yourself and others, uh, get really weird. 

Basically you upload a selfie, play around, and voila! You have public officials pole dancing and cartoon characters of historical figures. (It was at one point a trending search on the iOS App Store.)

So, we at Billy Penn decided that obviously, a Philly version was necessary.

If you’re interested in downloading the app, beware that there are bunch of imposters out there. In order to get the right version, search for “Huanshi” and download the first option. I started out uploading a photo of myself and, to my surprise, I am actually a little boy:

So I dressed myself up with a sexy samurai outfit and a face tattoo because little boys DEFINITELY don’t have face tattoos:

Then you click the little video button and make yourself do really awkward things that, unless you speak Chinese, you can’t really understand. But whatever, yolo.

So then we started on the rest of Philadelphia. Behold: 6ABC anchor Jim Gardner becomes Captain America Philadelphia, a rock star:

Let’s move onto sports. I imagine this is what Chip Kelly did when everyone was like, “um why are you blowing up the football team.” He put on a shirt that says “Those who know don’t talk, and those who talk don’t know,” and then this happened:

“Everyone’s mad at me”

“Do I care?”

“lol no”

“Bye. Felicia.”

Below: Previously unreleased footage of Chip Kelly’s new best friend Tim Tebow hanging out at Delilah’s with the Wing Bowl crowd during his first weekend in Philly. No one knows why his shirt has a tiny kitten on it.  

I struggled a little with Ruben Amaro, guys. I was kinda feelin’ the panda suit look for a bit.

But nah, I like this one better:  

And for everyone’s fav athlete on Twitter. (Hey, Joel Embiid.)

OK, enough athletes. Some famous Philadelphians need some love. (PS, how fetch is Ben Franklin’s hair?)  

And finally, our city’s leader. Mayor Nutter, I’m so sorry.

Anna Orso was a reporter/curator at Billy Penn from 2014 to 2017.