Donald Trump cares about the First Amendment and free speech. Yes, according to a mysterious man on a loudspeaker, “even as much as the Second Amendment.”

So the Republican frontrunner who held a rally in Harrisburg today is A-OK with the free speech expressed on the T-shirts, hats, buttons and fashion accessories at his events. Supporters can no longer simply get away with the simple “Make America Great Again” red baseball cap. We’ve grown since then. Today’s Trump-wear veers in one of three ways: A. Praises Donald Trump in a way that either uses a curse word or a sexual innuendo, B. Says something patently offensive about Hillary Clinton or C. Correctly identifies the wearer as a “right-wing extremist.” (Yes, that one was real.)

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Here are nine things I learned about Trump fashion today and my unsolicited advice for how to rock it in the future (…should you ever need it):

1. The Monica Lewinksy route

Subtle.

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2. The NRA always works

But my favorite is the Black Eyed Peas reference.

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3. Use as many curse words as possible

The shirts were $20 a pop. You all can do math.

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4. Try a photoshop of Hillary

…and bomb the shit out of ISIS.

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5. You can always go with something totally unrelated

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6. Sexual innuendos work well

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7. Or maybe an Apprentice throwback

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8. Remind everyone that in America we drink beer

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9. And we must always remember the magic word

Benghazi.

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Anna Orso

Anna Orso was a reporter/curator at Billy Penn from 2014 to 2017.