Donald Trump cares about the First Amendment and free speech. Yes, according to a mysterious man on a loudspeaker, “even as much as the Second Amendment.”

So the Republican frontrunner who held a rally in Harrisburg today is A-OK with the free speech expressed on the T-shirts, hats, buttons and fashion accessories at his events. Supporters can no longer simply get away with the simple “Make America Great Again” red baseball cap. We’ve grown since then. Today’s Trump-wear veers in one of three ways: A. Praises Donald Trump in a way that either uses a curse word or a sexual innuendo, B. Says something patently offensive about Hillary Clinton or C. Correctly identifies the wearer as a “right-wing extremist.” (Yes, that one was real.)

Here are nine things I learned about Trump fashion today and my unsolicited advice for how to rock it in the future (…should you ever need it):

1. The Monica Lewinksy route

Subtle.

2. The NRA always works

But my favorite is the Black Eyed Peas reference.

3. Use as many curse words as possible

The shirts were $20 a pop. You all can do math.

4. Try a photoshop of Hillary

…and bomb the shit out of ISIS.

5. You can always go with something totally unrelated

6. Sexual innuendos work well

7. Or maybe an Apprentice throwback

8. Remind everyone that in America we drink beer

9. And we must always remember the magic word

Benghazi.