You’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf. Or maybe you haven’t.

In some homes, the little elf toy is a holiday tradition. Parents place it in different spots throughout December, with the idea that it “watches” children to make sure they’re being good and reports back to the North Pole.

Others find the whole idea kind of creepy. Privacy advocates have argued that the custom teaches kids to accept invasive surveillance in their everyday lives.

On a less serious note, the Christmastime toy has become a perennial internet meme. It generally goes like this: “You’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf, now get ready for [insert photoshopped image with some similar rhyme].” For example: “Michael Scott on a tot” or “Drake on a cake.”

Billy Penn decided to get in on the fun, and it turns out quite a few notable people and things in Philadelphia are perfectly named for use in amateur online poetry.

Anyway — *clears throat* — you’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf.

Now get ready for…

An alternate reality where your Sixers fave is a horse girl

Credit: Illustration by Danya Henninger

…Embiid on a steed.

Two Philly politicians and a cool convertible

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

…Kenyattas in a Miata.

The mint must’ve mixed up some molds

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

…Kenney on a penny.

Alexander Tominsky on his way to the abandoned pier

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

…chickenman on Dickinson.

A TV character and a mayoral candidate exploring the depths of the Schuylkill

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

… Janine and Green in a submarine.

A football mascot enjoying a pleasant day outside his rowhome

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

…Swoop on a stoop.

We can’t let the Eagles have a monopoly on the sports-music crossover space

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

…Flyer in a choir.

This one’s just fun to say

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

…Tacony on a bologna.

It gets lonely on top of City Hall, sometimes

Credit: Photo illustration: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

…Billy Penn with some friends.❤

Asha Prihar is a general assignment reporter at Billy Penn. She has previously written for several daily newspapers across the Midwest, and she covered Pennsylvania state government and politics for The...