We can’t do this without you ⭐
Billy Penn believes local journalism should be free for all, which is why you’ll never see a paywall where an article should be. If you feel the same, will you join us as a member today?
You’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf. Or maybe you haven’t.
In some homes, the little elf toy is a holiday tradition. Parents place it in different spots throughout December, with the idea that it “watches” children to make sure they’re being good and reports back to the North Pole.
Others find the whole idea kind of creepy. Privacy advocates have argued that the custom teaches kids to accept invasive surveillance in their everyday lives.
On a less serious note, the Christmastime toy has become a perennial internet meme. It generally goes like this: “You’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf, now get ready for [insert photoshopped image with some similar rhyme].” For example: “Michael Scott on a tot” or “Drake on a cake.”
Billy Penn decided to get in on the fun, and it turns out quite a few notable people and things in Philadelphia are perfectly named for use in amateur online poetry.
Anyway — *clears throat* — you’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf.
Now get ready for…
An alternate reality where your Sixers fave is a horse girl
…Embiid on a steed.
Two Philly politicians and a cool convertible
…Kenyattas in a Miata.
The mint must’ve mixed up some molds
…Kenney on a penny.
Alexander Tominsky on his way to the abandoned pier
…chickenman on Dickinson.
A TV character and a mayoral candidate exploring the depths of the Schuylkill
… Janine and Green in a submarine.
A football mascot enjoying a pleasant day outside his rowhome
…Swoop on a stoop.
We can’t let the Eagles have a monopoly on the sports-music crossover space
…Flyer in a choir.
This one’s just fun to say
…Tacony on a bologna.
It gets lonely on top of City Hall, sometimes
…Billy Penn with some friends.❤