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Read the news of the day in less than 10 minutes — not that we’re counting.

The pope is coming to Philadelphia and when he does he’ll be able to use the best public restroom in the entire country. I bet you can’t wait, Francis! Our task at Billy Penn: Setting these and the week’s other most lyrical stories to song.  Catch up below. (Spotify playlist at the bottom).

“Ride Wit Me,” Nelly feat. City Spud

Philadelphia is getting a new casino that pretty much nobody wants. So why are we getting it? Hey, — must be the money (that the state and Live! Hotel and Casino are going to make off the backs of drunk sports fans). You think we’ll be able to book Nelly for a performance at this new casino, btw?

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“What If,” Creed

All week long, Young Involved Philly has been hosting its annual State of Young Philly event. Among some of the programs? An ideas session between established leaders and young people. Trying to figure out ways to improve Philadelphia, they asked “what if” questions about urban planning, economic development and education.

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“Red Solo Cup,” Toby Keith

Philadelphia man decides to sue Starbucks because his coffee was too hot, and the co-defendant in the case is none other than the dastardly, conniving, vile Solo cup. Those animals!

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“We Are the Champions,” Queen

No time for losers, people. Philadelphia is a city of winners.  We may have a pro basketball team that, seriously, would probably lose to Kentucky, but we have the best bathrooms in the entire country. Congratulations and thank you, Longwood Gardens.

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“Don’t Fucking Tell Me What To Do,” Robyn

Tom Wolf wants to expand Medicaid when he gets into office. He made it clear he doesn’t want Tom Corbett to start his Healthy PA Medicaid campaign in his final two months. But his pal Corby had other plans. He’s still going to enact it, and Healthy PA Medicaid enrollment starts December 1. Wolf’s people aren’t happy.

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“One Week,” Barenaked Ladies

Has it been one week or five days or two days since Lynne Abraham announced she was running for mayor? Pretty much allllll of the above, not to mention, two months. Abraham, who first announced she was running in September, re-announced for the third time this week.

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“She Blinded Me With Science,” Thomas Dolby

Uber will have no clue what hit them. Its big-time Philadelphia rival and keeper of all things cab, the PPA, has a fancy-schmancy app with which you can hail cabs on your smarty-smart phones, too. Check it out:

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It is so super-sciencey it will certainly convince all the Uber users to forsake their favorite new transportation choice. Just don’t share any of this with Lynne Abraham, who declines to comment on such newfangled ideas like ridesharing. Her mind would be blown.

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“Something Happened on the Way to Heaven,” Phil Collins

Brookfield US Holdings, which bought the $2.4 billion Revel Casino at auction for only $110 million, was still like, “nevermind.” They don’t want Revel anymore. It’ll be back on the block. Oh, Revel, what happened to you?

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“The City,” The 1975

Tommy Wolf gives his first speech in Philadelphia after being elected governor. And even though he’s a country guy, he was saying how the Pa. lawmakers need to start giving more love to Philly and the cities.

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“Homecoming” Kanye West feat. Coldplay

The Pope is coming to Philadelphia next fall. Get your staffs and cool hats ready! Also, let’s show him a good time around town. 

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Mark Dent is a reporter/curator at BillyPenn. He previously worked for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, where he covered the Jerry Sandusky scandal, Penn State football and the Penn State administration. His...