Christmas Village is back. For the seventh year in a row, LOVE Park has morphed into what is supposed to be a traditional German Christmas market. It features Pennsylvania’s high-calorie, high-cholesterol outdoor staples (funnel cakes and baked cheese) and reasonably priced Christmas gifts that are pretty cool, if slightly out there.

Billy Penn went to Christmas Village and checked to see just how “nuanced” some of Christmas Village’s items were, and Christmas Village did not disappoint. Here are seven gifts you’ll find for the very distinctive friends and family in your life:

1. For the sister who borrows all your clothes and invites you to her place for “game night” every Friday: A pendant made from a Scrabble tile

2. For the aunt who drinks Sauvignon Blanc while watching re-runs of Steve Irwin nature videos:  A wine bottle holder that looks like a crocodile

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3. For the Civil War re-enactor (and bachelor) uncle who can’t get enough almonds: An army of nutcrackers.

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4: For anyone who is slightly cool: ANIMAL PAW MITTENS!!!!

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5: For the high school nephew who is too lazy to cook bacon to eat with his toast: Bacon Jam. It comes in three different flavors!

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6: For the little brother who somehow hasn’t become hopelessly cynical about Philadelphia sports: Canvas paintings with inscriptions that highlight Philly’s best pro sports seasons and athletes

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7. For the college student cousin who – God bless her heart – majors in philosophy at Williams and spouted off about her love for Marxism a little too frequently over Thanksgiving dinner: A Joseph Stalin nesting doll.

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Mark Dent is a reporter/curator at BillyPenn. He previously worked for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, where he covered the Jerry Sandusky scandal, Penn State football and the Penn State administration. His...