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Read the news of the day in less than 10 minutes — not that we’re counting.

Temple’s board of trustees begins its post-Cosby era with some serious diversity issues, Drexel doesn’t know how to text and what the hell was Fox 29 personality Steve Keeley not wearing at the grocery store? Lots of news, and as always Billy Penn has matched all these Philly stories with music (Spotify playlist at the bottom).

“Where My Girls At,” 702 

Temple doesn’t have enough women on its board of trustees. Of the 14 Philadelphia-area universities, it has the lowest percentage of women at nine percent. Tuesday, Billy Penn was at a trustees meeting in which there was only one more woman present than the amount of times Bill Cosby was discussed (zero).

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“Your Lucky Day in Hell,” Eels

Um, the president of Philadelphia’s Fraternal Order of Police, John McNesby, pretty much banished a newspaper to hell.

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“California,” Phantom Planet

Goodbye Jimmy Rollins. The Phillies traded our shortstop to the Dodgers on Wednesday. Rollins is the Phillies’ career leader in hits, doubles and at-bats.

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“Straight to The Bank,” 50 Cent

We make fun of porny judge Seamus McCaffery (better known by his beloved nickname Shay Shay) a lot around here. But he’s laughing straight to the bank. It was revealed that the retired Pa. justice is still making $134,000 a year from his pension. He’ll definitely be able to afford the Internet!

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“We Used To Wait,” Arcade Fire

You know how we used to write letters? You know how as our lives are changing fast, we’re hoping something pure can last? If this resonates with you, mayoral candidate Lynne Abraham might be your pick. She doesn’t use email, so she hand-delivered a letter to Darrell Clarke Thursday saying he screwed up by not having public hearings for the PGW sale.

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“Photograph,” Nickelback — Fattahgraphy

In Chaka Fattah Jr.’s byzantine motion to drop the 23 federal charges against him this Thursday, he brought up how he used to own a company called “Fattahgraphy.” LOL LOL LOL, every time we hear that name it makes us laugh.

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“Parking Lot Pimpin,’” Jay-Z

Councilman Jim Kenney proposes a ban on parking on the City Hall apron and wants to have hearings to find ways to use that space better.

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“Telephone,” Lady Gaga

Drexel is having some cell phone probs. Students are complaining the university didn’t alert them at all or timely enough concerning five assaults this week.

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“Rock and A Hard Place,” Rolling Stones

Tough time for Penn president Amy Gutmann this week. She chose solidarity with her students by participating in a die-in at her Holiday party. Then Penn police got pissed. BTW, check out more about die-ins right here.

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“Hot In Herre,” Nelly

Different strokes for different folks and all that, but…Fox 29 reporter Steve Keeley decided to shop topless at Bottom Dollar. At least he wasn’t bottomless.

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Mark Dent is a reporter/curator at BillyPenn. He previously worked for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, where he covered the Jerry Sandusky scandal, Penn State football and the Penn State administration. His...