A Philadelphia City Council committee this week decided that, by George, this city should be allowed to have “3D billboards” jutting out of the sides of Center City buildings.
According to KYW: Approved locations include the Convention Center, near the Reading Terminal Market and on the Bellvue Hotel Garage. Here’s a rendering of what that might look like:
Anyway, we came up some ~ ideas ~. Here ya go, City Council!
1. I think that’s important Philadelphia start out by really tapping into the feelings of the city. And right now? Every angry Eagles fan hates Chip Kelly for trading Shady McCoy to [*clears throat*] the Bills. We should absolutely just install a giant 3D example of this anger on the side of the Convention Center. This will surely change everyone’s mind!
2. Because there’s nothing else you want to see walking up the street than a skull poking out of the Mütter Museum.
3. Maybe Philly should start getting ready for that huge thing that’s happening in September. Pope Francis’ visit to our city is expected to bring in two million visitors expecting to see the father of Catholicism himself. Don’t you guys think Pope Francis would be stoked to see a 3D billboard of himself on the side of the Art Museum?
4. And if we’re going to give the Pope that special treatment, we should probably start getting ready for the DNC. In July 2016, pretty much every important Democrat in America (and a ton of celebs) is going to descend on Philadelphia and the Wells Fargo Center for the Democratic National Convention. Let’s give Hillary a big ol’ Philly welcome with a billboard! Just don’t tell her about it via email.
5. As soon as the DNC is over, it’ll be time to rip down that billboard and put up a new one in preparation for the most important event to take place each year at the Wells Fargo Center: WING BOWL. Let’s give men stuffing their faces and strippers helping them a warm welcome to the stadium.