NFL Draft

NFL Draft in Philly: If every NFL team were a Philadelphia bar

Yeah, the Patriots are definitely Howl at the Moon.

Left: Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz Right: Bob and Barbara's

Left: Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz Right: Bob and Barbara's

Left: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports. Right: http://www.bobandbarbaras.com

The biggest difference between the NFL Draft and the rest of the major events that Philadelphia has hosted might just be how much drinking goes on. Papal pilgrims and DNC staffers don’t hold a candle to football fans.

So we wanted to introduce those who might be new in town to the Philadelphia bar scene by breaking down some of the city’s watering holes — by team. Below you’ll find every team in the NFL, along with the bar (or other establishment) we think best represents that team.

NFC East

Left: Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz Right: Bob and Barbara's

Left: Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz Right: Bob and Barbara's

Left: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports. Right: http://www.bobandbarbaras.com

Team: Philadelphia Eagles

Bar: Bob and Barbara’s

Where: 1509 South St.

Why: Bob and Barbara’s is the OG. This dive bar that often has local live music is where the citywide special — a shot and a beer for just a few bucks — was created. We can’t think of a better bar to represent the Iggles, their fans or this city.

LEFT: DALLAS COWBOYS RUNNING BACK EZEKIEL ELLIOTT. RIGHT: Chickies and Pete's.

LEFT: DALLAS COWBOYS RUNNING BACK EZEKIEL ELLIOTT. RIGHT: Chickies and Pete's.

LEFT: MATTHEW EMMONS-USA TODAY SPORTS. RIGHT: chickiesandpetes.com

Team: Dallas Cowboys

Bar: Chickie’s and Pete’s

Where: 1526 Packer Ave.

Why: The Cowboys are super popular like Chickie’s and Pete’s — the area bar chain you probably don’t want to be at. The Chickie’s and Pete’s owner is best known for having to pay employees millions of dollars in back pay after stealing their tips. And the crowd at the place best known for its overrated Crabfries®? They’re all about just getting as drunk as humanly possible.

Left: New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning (10) and outside linebacker Jonathan Casillas (52). Right: Stratus Rooftop Lounge.

Left: New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning (10) and outside linebacker Jonathan Casillas (52). Right: Stratus Rooftop Lounge.

Left: Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports. Right: http://www.monaco-philadelphia.com/

Team: New York Giants

Bar: Stratus Lounge

Where: 433 Chestnut St.

Why: You don’t really want to be at Stratus Lounge. Everyone’s too rich and stuck up. But once in a while — if a friend pays for your drinks or somehow you get bottle service — the place can be great. And the Giants? They’re usually an overpaid group of screw-ups, but once in a while, namely in Super Bowl seasons of 2007 and 2011, they’re good.

Left: Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins. Right: Bok Bar.

Left: Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins. Right: Bok Bar.

Left: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports. Right: RENATA CERTO-WARE.

Team: Washington

Bar: Bok Bar

Where: 1901 S. 9th St.

Why: Washington is no stranger to controversy (as you know if you follow the news even a tiny bit), and so they’re a perfect fit for Bok Bar, the rooftop bar in South Philly that’s atop the now-closed former Edward W. Bok Technical High School. Two years ago, the bar became a target of criticism and, for some, a symbol of gentrification.

NFC North

Left: Chicago Bears defensive back Brandon Boykin. Right: City Tavern.

Left: Chicago Bears defensive back Brandon Boykin. Right: City Tavern.

Left: Brace Hemmelgarn-USA TODAY Sports. Right: J.Fusco/Visit Philadelphia

Team: Chicago Bears

Bar: City Tavern

Where: 138 S. 2nd St.

Why: The Chicago Bears, at this point, are unfortunately past their prime — fans constantly bring up the glory of the 80s and Mike Ditka — in a way that’s kinda similar to City Tavern, the reconstructed bar straight out of Colonial times. That place was probably lit in like 1774, though.

Left: Detroit Lions fans. Right: A shot of Jack Daniels.

Left: Detroit Lions fans. Right: A shot of Jack Daniels.

Left: Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Wikimedia Commons.

Team: Detroit Lions

Bar: A convenience store where they give you a shot over the counter.

Where: Good luck finding one.

Why: The Detroit Lions are almost never good. But they have so much heart, and they’re easy to get behind. Just like those convenience stores that illegally sell shots over the counter (AKA stop-and-go’s.) You might hate the experience of it, but at least it will always be that — an experience.

Left: Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Right: Dirty Franks.

Left: Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Right: Dirty Franks.

Left:Rick Wood/Milwaukee Journal Sentinel via USA TODAY NETWORK. Right: Google Street View

Team: Green Bay Packers

Bar: Dirty Frank’s

Where: 347 S. 13th St.

Why: The Packers — a great team — want you to believe they’re the little guy, the small-town do-gooders publicly owned by fans. Nope, the Packers are run by money-hungry plutocrats. The identity doesn’t fit. Similarly, Dirty Frank’s — a great bar — enjoys a reputation of being a dive bar, but it’s not. Roaches and other sanitary issues be damned, it’s far too popular and in one of the nicest areas of Philadelphia.

Left: Minnesota Vikings cornerback Xavier Rhodes (29) celebrates with cornerback Trae Waynes (26) Right: Philly Hard Rock Cafe

Left: Minnesota Vikings cornerback Xavier Rhodes (29) celebrates with cornerback Trae Waynes (26) Right: Philly Hard Rock Cafe

Left: Bruce Kluckhohn-USA TODAY Sports. Right: hardrock.com

Team: Minnesota Vikings

Bar: Hard Rock Cafe

Where: 1113-31 Market St.

Why: Hard Rock Cafe has been around forever, and nobody’s actually been there. The Vikings have been in the mix so many times and a team since 1960, but they’ve never won a Super Bowl.

NFC South

Left: Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan. Right: Fox and Hound.

Left: Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan. Right: Fox and Hound.

Left:Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View

Team: Atlanta Falcons

Bar: Fox and Hound

Where: 1501 Spruce St.

Why: Fox and Hound, a Center City sports bar, is a good happy hour spot that oftentimes dies down later in the night. Kind of the like the Atlanta Falcons. Choke.

Left: Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton. Right: Xfinity Live!

Left: Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton. Right: Xfinity Live!

Left:Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports. Right: xfinitylive.com

Team: Carolina Panthers

Bar: XFinity Live!

Where: 1100 Pattison Ave.

Why: The Carolina Panthers, and specifically quarterback Cam Newton, just scream FLASH. That’s why they’re perfect for Xfinity Live!, the ridiculously large, flashing spots bar complex located near the stadiums. It’s unnecessarily huge and for some reason always has to have an exclamation point attached to its name.

Left: New Orleans Saints running back Mark Ingram. Right: Fat Tuesday

Left: New Orleans Saints running back Mark Ingram. Right: Fat Tuesday

Left: Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View

Team: New Orleans Saints

Bar: Fat Tuesdays

Where: 431 South St.

Why: This South Street, Mardi-Gras-themed, college-y bar is Philly’s own tiny slice of New Orleans — all though the “as much sweet and slushy booze as possible” vibe represents just a small part of that city’s diverse drinking culture.

Left: Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston. Right: The Piazza at Schmidts.

Left: Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston. Right: The Piazza at Schmidts.

Left: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Mark Dent/Billy Penn.

Team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Bar: All the bars in the Piazza

Where: 1001 N. 2nd St.

Why: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers *should* be good and could perhaps put up a decent showing this season. But deep down — like every bar in the failing, formerly-Jared-Kushner-owned Piazza in Northern Liberties — they’re just bad.

NFC West

LEFT: ARIZONA CARDINALS QUARTERBACK CARSON PALMER. Right: Friday Saturday Sunday.

LEFT: ARIZONA CARDINALS QUARTERBACK CARSON PALMER. Right: Friday Saturday Sunday.

LEFT: KELVIN KUO-USA TODAY SPORTS. RIGHT: Friday Saturday Sunday on Facebook.

Team: Arizona Cardinals

Bar: Friday Saturday Sunday

Where: 261 S 21st St.

Why: The Arizona Cardinals are relatively new to success. Friday Saturday Sunday was popular 35 years ago, then totally fell off the radar and was recently revamped by new owners to critical acclaim.

Left: Los Angeles Rams quarterback Jared Goff (16) and guard Rodger Saffold (76). Right: Garage Fishtown.

Left: Los Angeles Rams quarterback Jared Goff (16) and guard Rodger Saffold (76). Right: Garage Fishtown.

Left: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Yelp.

Team: Los Angeles Rams

Bar: Garage Fishtown

Where: 100 E. Girard Ave.

Why: The Los Angeles Rams are pretty new in town, just like Garage Fishtown, the second location of the craft-beer-in-cans spot that started in South Philly. Garage Fishtown is also a solid mixture of hip and bro, not unlike the great city of Los Angeles. Mostly bro. OK, almost all bro.

Left: San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Right: JD McGillicuddy's.

Left: San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Right: JD McGillicuddy's.

Left: Neville E. Guard-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View

Team: San Francisco 49ers

Bar: JD McGillicuddy’s

Where: 111 Cotton St.

Why: The Niners don’t even play in the city of San Francisco. They play in Santa Clara, so we’re equating them to JD McGillicuddy’s, a college-y sports bar with several locations, including one in Manayunk.

Left: Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson. Right: El Bar.

Left: Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson. Right: El Bar.

Left: Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View.

Team: Seattle Seahawks

Bar: El Bar

Where: 1356 N. Front St.

Why: If there were a “hipster” NFL team, it would be the Seattle Seahawks. That’s why we’re equating them to El Bar, the hip dive bar under the El in the Fishtown/ Kensington area that specializes in cheap beer and has a backyard that’s great for drinking in. El Bar’s been outed over the years, and in many ways is actually filled with more yuppies nowadays. That’s what makes it the perfect Seahawks comparison. Sure, they’re, um, “hipster” for the NFL. But it’s still the NFL.

AFC North

Left: Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco. Right: Ladder 15.

Left: Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco. Right: Ladder 15.

Left: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View

Team: Baltimore Ravens

Bar: Ladder 15

Where: 1528 Sansom St.

Why: The Ravens won a Super Bowl in 2012 but haven’t won their division since, despite going 10-6 in 2014. In a weird way, it’s like Ladder 15. The place is nice for evening time events, is in a great location and is just massive. But at night on the weekends? Things just change out of nowhere and they pack in the yuppies like sardines. That can make Ladder 15 just plain scary. Like Ravens. You know? The animal.

Left: Cleveland Browns fans. Right: Ray's Happy Birthday Bar.

Left: Cleveland Browns fans. Right: Ray's Happy Birthday Bar.

Left: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Happybirthdaybar.com

Team: Cleveland Browns

Bar: Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar

Where: 1200 E. Passyunk Ave.

Why: The Cleveland Browns aren’t good. They’re usually not good. But they’re endearing in the same way as Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar, the South Philly dive bar with cheap drinks, smoking and Friday night karaoke.

Left: Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton. Right: Woolly Mammoth Bar.

Left: Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton. Right: Woolly Mammoth Bar.

Left: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View.

Team: Cincinnati Bengals

Bar: Woolly Mammoth

Where: 430 South St.

Why: The Bengals have all the mediocrity and heart-wrenching playoff blunders and who really likes them? They’re just as forgettable as Woolly Mammoth, a pub in the heart of the most touristy part of South Street.

Left: Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Right: Tattooed Mom.

Left: Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Right: Tattooed Mom.

Left: Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports. Right: @lzixxaa on Twitter

Team: Pittsburgh Steelers

Bar: Tattooed Mom

Where: 530 South St.

Why: When you think of Pittsburgh Steelers fans, don’t you just think of a mom with tattoos? But seriously, the Steelers’ following could be described as cult-like — so could Tattooed Mom’s.

AFC East

Left: Buffalo Bills wide receiver Brandon Tate. Right: Tavern on Broad.

Left: Buffalo Bills wide receiver Brandon Tate. Right: Tavern on Broad.

Left: Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports. Right: @RobCrax on Twitter.

Team: Buffalo Bills

Bar: Tavern on Broad

Where: 200 S. Broad St.

Why: Since 2000, the Bills have had exactly two seasons in which they won more than eight games and they’re usually somewhere between mediocre and terrible. They’re most similar to Tavern on Broad, the bro-tastic Center City sports bar that is most often just an absolute horror story of not-great food and sometimes worse company.

Left: Miami Dolphins quarterback Matt Moore. Right: Fado bar.

Left: Miami Dolphins quarterback Matt Moore. Right: Fado bar.

Left: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View.

Team: Miami Dolphins

Bar: Fado

Where: 1500 Locust St.

Why: Fado is fine during the day, but its dance floor is among the douchiest 10 square feet in Philadelphia. The Miami Dolphins never cease bragging about their undefeated season — that happened back in 1972! Doesn’t get much douchier than that.

Left: New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Right: Inside Howl at the Moon.

Left: New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Right: Inside Howl at the Moon.

Left: Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Courtesy of Howl at the Moon via Visit Philadelphia

Team: New England Patriots

Bar: Howl at the Moon

Where: 258 S. 15th St.

Why: Arguably the most insufferable, sanctimonious, obnoxious fans in professional football deserve Howl at the Moon, the most unbearable bar in Philadelphia with its dueling piano pop songs and its over-priced, watered-down beverages and its extraordinarily basic crowd. Rooting for the Patriots is like rooting for Howl at the Moon: It’s not that you’ve *never* been there — you just hated yourself the whole time and would prefer to never return.

Left: New York Jets quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick. Right: McGlinchey's.

Left: New York Jets quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick. Right: McGlinchey's.

Left: Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View.

Team: New York Jets

Bar: McGlinchey’s

Where: 259 S. 15th St.

Why: Spending a night at this Center City dive bar almost certainly means you’re going to wake up with a sore throat, a gnarly hangover and the stench of cigarettes. But the beers were cheap and, like the Jets, McGlinchey’s has a loyal following. So no matter how bad you’ll feel about yourself tomorrow, at least at McGlinchey’s — and when you’re rooting for the New York Jets — you’re surrounded by people who just get you.

AFC West

Left: Denver Broncos outside linebacker Von Miller. Right: View from SkyGarten.

Left: Denver Broncos outside linebacker Von Miller. Right: View from SkyGarten.

Left: Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports. Right: SkyGarten on Instagram

Team: Denver Broncos

Bar: SkyGarten

Where: 1717 Arch St.

Why: Like the Mile-High City, SkyGarten is a beer garden on the 51st floor of Three Logan Square, and it’s got a breathtaking view to boot. This bar is perfect for the Denver Broncos, made up of a fanbase that certainly knows how to handle their high-altitude booze.

Left: Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid. Right: Frankford Hall.

Left: Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid. Right: Frankford Hall.

Left: Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Courtesy of Starr Restaurants via Visit Philadelphia

Team: Kansas City Chiefs

Bar: Frankford Hall

Where: 1210 Frankford Ave.

Why: Eagles fans don’t want to admit they still like Andy Reid, but they do. He’s a likable enough guy and a pretty good coach. Like Reid, Frankford Hall is no longer ours. Not really. It’s gone the way of tourists and South Jersey weekenders, but it’s still a great time when the line’s not a block long.

Left: os Angeles Chargers coach Anthony Lynn. Right: A Hop Sing Laundromat cocktail.

Left: Los Angeles Chargers coach Anthony Lynn. Right: A Hop Sing Laundromat cocktail.

Left: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Danya Henninger/Billy Penn

Team: Los Angeles Chargers

Bar: Hop Sing Laundromat

Where: 1029 Race St.

Why: Has there ever been a more obvious money grab than the “Los Angeles Chargers” setting up in a town that doesn’t show up to games until two hours after the starting time? That’s why we’re equating the Chargers to Hop Sing Laundromat, the aloof cocktail bar with some of the most expensive drinks in town (even though they’re well worth it). Just don’t wear sneakers.

Left: Oakland Raiders fans before a game against the Denver Broncos. Right: Misconduct Tavern.

Left: Oakland Raiders fans before a game against the Denver Broncos. Right: Misconduct Tavern.

Left: Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View

Team: Oakland Raiders

Bar: Misconduct Tavern

Where: 1511 Locust St.

Why: In all of professional sports, it might be Raiders fans who are known for their *clears throat* misconduct. And! They’re moving to Vegas, a place where misconduct is basically encouraged at all times.

AFC South

Left: Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt (99) and nose tackle Vince Wilfork (75). Right: The space that could have been Travinia. RIP.

Left: Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt (99) and nose tackle Vince Wilfork (75). Right: The space that could have been Travinia. RIP.

Left: Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View

Team: Houston Texans

Bar: Travinia

Where: This wine bar doesn’t actually exist but it was once located at 1000 Frankford Ave.

Why: The Houston Texans are routinely on the brink of being good. They’re just missing one thing: A quarterback. Like the Texans, Travinia was just missing one thing before it shut down: A liquor license.

Left: Indianapolis Colts linebacker Robert Mathis (98) and quarterback Andrew Luck. Right: Bridgewater's Pub

Left: Indianapolis Colts linebacker Robert Mathis (98) and quarterback Andrew Luck. Right: Bridgewater's Pub

Left: Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Bridgewater's Pub on Facebook

Team: Indianapolis Colts

Bar: Bridgewater’s Pub at 30th St. Station

Where: 30th St. Station

Why: Indianapolis is the flyover-est city of flyover country. Sure, the Colts have won 189 games and lost just 99 since 1999 — and that includes the year Peyton Manning was hurt and they tanked for Andrew Luck — but, well, it’s Indianapolis. It’s just there. In the middle of the country. Like there’s a bar in 30th St. Station. Seriously.

Left: Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Allen Robinson. Right: Tir Na Nog.

Left: Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Allen Robinson. Right: Tir Na Nog.

Left: Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports. Right: Google Street View

Team: Jacksonville Jaguars

Bar: Tir Na Nog

Where: 1600 Arch St.

Why: Who plays for the Jaguars again? Mark Brunell? Oh, that was 17 years ago? Yeah, we didn’t know because Jacksonville hasn’t mattered since the days when all of your friends were wearing Starter jackets. Tir Na Nog is an equally bland Irish bar (with good outdoor seating, we admit!), only noticeable if you get lost or the bar you’re looking for is too crowded.

Left: Tennessee Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota. Right: Memphis Taproom.

Left: Tennessee Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota. Right: Memphis Taproom.

Left: Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports. Right: CHAUCEE STILLMAN.

Team: Tennessee Titans

Bar: Memphis Taproom

Where: 2331 E. Cumberland St.

Why: Look guys, the AFC south is just generally forgettable. Memphis Taproom — named after Memphis Street, not the city in Tennessee — is the best we could come up with for now. Don’t @ us.