NSFW: Jason Kelce’s epic Eagles Super Bowl parade speech

Even Chase Utley would have blushed.

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Dan Levy
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Everyone had a lot of fun at Thursday’s Super Bowl victory parade, but the ultimate winner of the day had to be Eagles center Jason Kelce.

Not only was he dressed as a Mummer, and not only did he make the march toward the Art Museum steps next to the bus, bicycling around and singing with fans, but he basically killed it at the closing ceremony.

His speech was so fired up — was so Philly — that people were calling for him to be mayor. Or even President.

It was also very NSFW. Most versions out there are seriously bleeped out. A few have most of the words.

Here’s the full transcript of Jason Kelce’s speech.

Philadelphia!

If you love the Eagles, let me get a hell yeah!
(Hell yeah!)
If you love the Philadelphia Eagles, let me get a hell yeah!
(Hell yeah!)

I’m gonna take a second and talk to you about underdogs. I know Lane and Chris just talked about this, but I don’t think it’s been beat home enough.

Howie Roseman, a few years ago, was relinquished of all control, pretty much, in this organization. He was put in the side of the building where I didn’t see him for over a year. Two years ago, when they made a decision, he came out of there a different man. He came out of there with the purpose and the drive to make this possible.

And I saw a different Howie Roseman. An underdog.

Doug Pederson. When Doug Pederson was hired, he was rated as the worst coaching hire by a lot of freaking analysts out there in the media. (Boooooo!) This offseason, some clown named Mike Lombardi told him he was the least qualified head coach in the NFL. But you saw a driven Doug Pederson, a man who went for it on 4th and down, who went for it on 4th and down in the Super Bowl, with a trick play. He wasn’t playing just to go mediocre. He was playing for a Super Bowl!

And it don’t stop with him. It does not stop with him.

Jason Peters was told he was too old, didn’t have it any more. Before he got hurt, he was the best freakin tackle in the whole NFL.
Steven Wisniewksi was told he didn’t have it.
Jason Kelce’s too small.
Lane Johnson can’t lay off the juice.
Brandon Brooks has anxiety.
Carson Wentz didn’t go to a Division I school.
Nick Foles don’t got it.
Corey Clement’s too slow.
LeGarrette Blount aint got it anymore.
Jay Ajayi can’t stay healthy.
Torrey Smith can’t catch.
Nelson Agholor can’t catch.
Zack Ertz can’t block.
Brent Celek’s too old.
Brandon Grahm was drafted too high.
Vinny Curry aint got it.
Beau Allen can’t fit the scheme.
Mychal Kendricks can’t fit the scheme.
Nigel Bradham can’t catch.
Jalen Mills can’t cover.
Patrick Robinson can’t cover.

It’s the whole team! (losing voice) It’s the whole team!

This entire organization was a bunch of men driven to accomplish something. You’re a bunch of underdogs!

And you know what an underdog is? It’s a hungry dog. And Jeff Stoutland has had this in our building for five years. It’s a quote in the O-line room that has stood on the wall for the past five years: Hungry dogs run faster!

And that’s this team. Bottom line is, we wanted it more. All the players, all the coaches, the front office, Jeffrey Lurie. Everybody wanted it more.

And that’s why we’re up here today. And that’s why we’re the first team in Eagles history to hold that freakin trophy.

Know who the biggest underdog is? It’s y’all, Philadelphia!

For 52 years y’all have been waiting for this. You want to talk about underdog? You want to talk about a hungry dog? For 52 years, you‘ve been starved of this championship.

Everybody wonders why we’re so mean. Everybody wonders why the Philadelphia Eagles aren’t the nicest fans Well, if I don’t eat breakfast I’m fucking pissed off too.

No one wanted us. No one liked this team. No analysts liked this team to win the Super Bowl, and nobody likes our fans. To all those people who counted us out, to all everybody who said we couldn’t get it done — what my man Jay Ajayi just said — fuck ’em!*

And you know what, I just heard one of the best chants this past day. And it’s one of my favorites and it’s new and I hope y’all learn it. And I’m about to drop it right now.

(to the tune of Oh My Darling, Clementine)

No one likes us
No one likes us
No one likes us
We don’t care
We’re from Philly, fucking Philly
No one likes us
We don’t care

No one likes us
No one likes us
No one likes us
We don’t care
We’re the Eagles, fucking Eagles
No one likes us
We don’t care

E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!

*Some outlets are reporting this phrase was actually “fuck you” instead of “fuck ’em.”