The procrastinator’s guide to Labor Day fun in Philly

Don’t want to waste a day off from work? We got you.

It's the last day for the ferris wheel at Blue Cross RiverRink Summerfest

It's the last day for the ferris wheel at Blue Cross RiverRink Summerfest

Jordan Gunselman / Billy Penn
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Some of us are blessed with the powers of foresight and responsible scheduling. We think ahead and color-code our curated agendas and Google calendars, ready to take on each day. Some of us, on the other hand, have no damn idea what we’re doing, and allow things to just happen and work out for the best.

In the grand scheme of things, it usually doesn’t really matter whether you choose to live life as a Type A or a Type B. But when it comes to holiday weekends, Type A has the upper hand.

Take this Labor Day Weekend, for instance. These Type A folks are your friends who are now — as you’re reading this — at their rented condo by the shore, enjoying their trip to Mexico City, picking their next stop on a road trip, or swinging to the finish of their jam-packed weekend hopping from Made in America to YallaPunk and back.

Type Bs, on the other hand, well… You binge-watched every teen rom-com on Netflix and spent most of your time indoors avoiding the rain/heat and the rest of humanity as soon as you got off from work on Friday. You might be able to handle this Gudetama-style veg-out for another 24 hours, but some of you might be feeling guilty for not thinking ahead.

Fret not, Philadelphian procrastinators! We bring you good tidings and ideas to make this Sept. 3 an unforgettable one (or, at least one that you won’t regret).

Guffaw

There’s a lot of hardy-har-hars to be had this Labor Day Monday. You can get your laughs on at The Comedy Jawn: Hometown Edition” at Saint Lazarus Bar or at Moonshinephilly, both starting at 8 p.m.

Though not technically a comedy, quizzo can be downright hilarious if you play it absolutely wrong and pick the worst people ever to team-up with (which is honestly the most fun way to go). You can bomb trivia night at Jose Pistola’s or at The Cambridge, both starting at 8 p.m, or at The Belgian Cafe at 8:30 p.m.

Shamelessly like laughing at people? Watch drunk people sing karaoke and you’ll be on your way to getting solid abs from breaking down in hysterics. Cringe at wannabe-Madonnas and Chers singing at the top of their lungs at Paddy Whacks or at Infusion Lounge, both starting at 9 p.m.

Soak

Philly’s public pools may have already closed, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t options for a cool down. Get pruned at Vesper Dayclub, a venue that guarantees a mini-Vegas pool party in NoLibs with upbeat music, sugary alcoholic concoctions and lots of people-watching to enjoy, from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.

Don’t have a membership/not your scene? We understand. You might need to figure out the logistics of transportation for these other ways to get drenched in chlorinated water, but Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom, Hershey Park and Sesame Place are all great day-trip alternatives.

Snarf

The ThunderCats character was objectively unbearable, but these days to snarf means to gorge on food and drinks, which is objectively wonderful. Some key options:

Glide

Slip on some funky blades and whoosh at Roller Thunder Skating Rink (99-cent admission if you wear red, white and blue) or at BlueCross RiverRink Summerfest (last day of the season).

Parade

Couldn’t make a Labor Day Weekend ’18 guide without the inclusion of a parade that celebrates the point of Labor Day. The Philadelphia Labor Day Parade & Family Festival, hosted by Sheet Metal Workers Local 19 and Union Plus, honors laborers history with live music, crafts, kids activities and food and refreshments. It starts at 8:30 a.m. at 1301 S. Columbus Blvd. and gets to Penn’s Landing Great Plaza at 10 a.m. Festivities go on from there until 2 p.m.