Following last year’s stellar record and first-ever Super Bowl win, this Eagles season didn’t turn out the way anyone hoped.
Nick Foles’ quarterbacking was lacking as the season debuted, and when a semi-healthy Carson Wentz returned, it didn’t help matters much. Struggling to deal with team-wide injuries that seemed more rampant than usual, head coach Doug Pederson was unable to rouse his players to a winning record.
Then Wentz’s back gave out, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise as Foles was called back to duty. His return, coupled with the sting of a few truly embarrassing losses, invigorated the team and led to key wins. And now, instead of being completely out of contention, the Eagles have an outside chance to make it to the playoffs.
In honor of his role in this comeback we all needed, Billy Penn is proud to present the following holiday-inspired ode to the man, the legend, the savior of Philly football.
The Ballad of St. Nick
‘Twas the week before Washington, and all through the land
Not a ski mask was empty (‘cept those held in hand)
Goat’s blood was offered for blessings from Gritty
And they prayed for St. Nick all across the great city
The jabronies were tight, on the ground they did spit
As they looked back to last week, and recalled the QB’s late hit
The concern was but fleeting, as St. Nick knew no pain
Neither battery nor brick would stop him from saving Philly again
In her Harold Carmichael nightgown, Mama’s hopes then did grow
Papa in his Birds cap cheered bullets to Agholor and quick handoffs to Sproles
They pulled now for Nick, the new Philly nobility
While dethroned crown prince Wentz worked out in the recovery facility
The ol’ NFC East had become quite quiet that year
And the greatest play in Philly history had become an ad for cheap beer
Dog masks were discarded, fans tossed ’em without care
With thoughts of injuries that seemed avoidable; what was up in the NovaCare?
So from the bench rose the old savior, apparently God’s doper son
Who works even better under pressure, and seems a little more fun
But which Foles would show up? Even Pederson had no clue
Would this be Turnover Nick, or Mr. 27-and-2?
Up first were the Rams, now moved to Los Angeles
Sure, the Super Bowl was fly, but could Nick really handle this?
The man played straight Madden, made Goff and Gurley look like rookies
Philly was elated (but what of the poor bookies?)
Next were the Texans, thought a surefire loss
But Sir Footlong was unstoppable; on their grave he did floss
It comes down to defeating a team with a racist mascot
They’ve got a ancient-ass quarterback; a win shouldn’t take a lot
But to reach the playoffs, the Vikings also must lose
And old enemy Kirk Cousins must be knocked from his shoes
Regardless, the Eagles post-championship season has been resurrected
As a beloved MVP made his return from the dead
Should he be starter? It’s moot; salary caps mean he’ll go
To Tampa, Jacksonville, or perchance Buffalo
But for now, for this game, we shall root for St. Nick
For his arm, for his legs…for his big goddamn dick
