Hear of any job openings in Philly? Apparently Gritty’s looking.
The Flyers’ season is over, and it seems the team’s official orange representative is taking some time off. The mascot’s qualifications and relevant skills abound, as evidenced in the resume posted to social media.
Local companies have already started offering some pretty lucrative gigs — including the Independence Seaport Museum, Runner’s World and even Philadelphia’s paper of record.
With folks eager to spice up their workforce with some tangerine talent, the Billy Penn team decided to play career counselor. Here’s a handful of gigs we think match Gritty’s unique skillset.
Street sweeper
Clearly the city needs a new one — and Gritty’s fur has both the absorbency and sheer surface area necessary to scoop up Philly litter.
Mayor
‘Cause technically the job is open. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Valet parking attendant at Club Risque
Listen, we already know the guy’s comfortable with nudity.
Chef at Zahav
With widespread Internet fame already under Gritty’s 72-inch belt, now’s the time for the mascot to try a national, award-winning gig.
Columbus Boulevard Home Depot sign
This is basically camouflage, no effort required.
PPA parking enforcement officer
At least you could see this officer heading to your car far in advance.
Beard oil salesman on the El
Whether or not you’re willing to admit it, you know you want to emulate the orange monster’s self-care routine.
Wrecking ball
For developers who want to hire locally.
Frontman for a ska cover band in Greys Ferry
Try to tell us Gritty doesn’t look like a head-banging reggae dude.
Fishtown hot yoga instructor
We already know the mascot is flexible.
Urban farmer
Since there’s already a tractor-appropriate soundtrack lined up.
Night manager at the Wawa on Aramingo Avenue
Gritty’s probably nocturnal, anyway. And after the shift, the mascot can pop into Applebee’s for a sweet dollar marg.
