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Read the news of the day in less than 10 minutes — not that we’re counting.

City councilman Jim Kenney and Fraternal Order of Police president John McNesby both indulged in hardcore rants this week — and only one of them said something that didn’t cause revulsion. Also: pity #LOLSixers employees. As always, Billy Penn complements these and other Philly news stories with songs that fit the occasion (Spotify playlist at the bottom).

“Live Like You Were Dying,” Tim McGraw

City councilman Jim Kenney is living life with no regrets. He tweeted up a storm about “fat assed” Chris Christie being a creep for cheering on the Cowboys in Jerry Jones’ box at Lincoln Financial Field on Sunday. Kenney’s response when asked if he regretted any of it the next day: SORRY, NOT SORRY, CHRISTIE IS STILL FAT.


“The Great Gig In The Sky” Pink Floyd

Tragedy in Montgomery County. Six people were killed by Bradley Stone on Monday. Here’s information on how you can help the survivors.


“Mission:Impossible Theme,” Lalo Schifrin

Two dudes tried to break into Target through the ventilation system. They were not Ethan Hunt and got caught lying on top of each other in a duct.

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“I Believe I Can Fly,” R. Kelly

Dude tried to leap over the SEPTA turnstile late at night so he wouldn’t have to pay $2.25. He didn’t do it too gracefully. And then he decided to not even get on a train.


“American Idiot,” Green Day 

Fraternal Order of Police president John McNesby said some not nice, not smart things this week (it’s not the first time). He compared the “die-in” protesters to lynch mobs and then referred to Al Sharpton’s associates as “thugs.”

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“If I Were A Boy,” Beyonce

UPenn Phi Delta Theta frat bros posed with a Beyonce blow-up doll for a Christmas card photo. People aren’t too happy about it. The national organization of Phi Delta Theta has suspended the Penn chapter.

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“Somebody That I Used to Know,” Gotye 

Attorney general Kathleen Kane was once considered a prospect for Pa. governor or a U.S. Senator. After Philly D.A. Seth Williams — and fellow Democrat — charged two more Philly officials in a sting operation she abandoned and then talked smack on her, her tenure as attorney general continues to spiral downward.

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“Big Cheese,” Nirvana

Anytime you want some baller cheese you can get it delivered from Di Bruno Bros. in less than an hour. Great win for humanity.

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“Such Great Heights,” The Postal Service 

It was announced that Philadelphia is finally getting a proper observation deck. We’ll be able to see the city from 57 stories up from One Liberty Place, starting this summer.

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“Do They Know It’s Christmas,” Band Aid

While you’re enjoying the holidays, remember the unfortunate employees who have to stomach all #LOLSixers homes games this year at the Wells Fargo Center. Happy Chrismukkah, everybody!

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Mark Dent is a reporter/curator at BillyPenn. He previously worked for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, where he covered the Jerry Sandusky scandal, Penn State football and the Penn State administration. His...