It’s getting to be around that time of year when everyone realizes it’s almost summer and starts dropping loads of cash on semi-irrational things like music festivals and beer gardens and unlimited mimosas.
Hopefully Billy Penn can help with that. A little.
Behold: Our second round-up of the best, weirdest and most valuable Groupon deals in Philly right now (though some of the deals we highlighted last time around are still available). This one is… decidedly weirder.
1. Five rounds of glow-in-the-dark mini golf
What the deal is: One round of glow-in-the-dark mini golf is not enough. Neither is two, apparently. No, in fact, you really should try either five or 10 rounds of this at Adventurers Mini Golf in Whitman. The 18-hole course is described as “like a screenplay written by an 8-year-old,” and through this Groupon deal, you can purchase a punch card for either five or 10 rounds.
How much it costs: $25 for one punch card, good for five rounds of mini golf ($45 value), or $48 for one punch card, good for 10 rounds of mini golf ($90 value).
When the deal expires: The promotional value expires 150 days after purchase. Groupon didn’t indicate when the offer would end.
2. Speed dating in Old City
What the deal is: If the above is what you feel like in public, maybe consider, I don’t know, dating? But we understand it’s hard. Tinder is a cesspool of pent-up sexual frustration and Bumble is just a large group of men trying too hard. Lucky for you, round-robin-style speed dating actually does still exist. And it’s at The Victoria Freehouse in Old City, no less. There are only two rules: No talking about your job, and no talking about where you live. (And maybe avoid politics, just this once?)
How much it costs: $15. For some reason you have to select “male” or “female,” even though they’re the same price.
When the deal expires: Promotional value expires 120 days after purchase. No other expiration day listed.
3. Nighttime 5K + DJ at XFINITY Live!
What the deal is: Would you like to run about three miles and then bounce around for awhile to EDM music? OK! You are interesting! Here’s the deal: For $30, you can register for the June 10 “Philadelphia Night Nation Run” and take part in a 5K nighttime run that ends with an “after-party featuring top EDM DJs.” It’s at everyone’s favorite bar XFINITY Live!, so maybe you’ll even meet your spouse.
How much it costs: $30 (a 50 percent discount).
When the deal expires: June 10.
4. Drink and do pottery
What the deal is: For 40 bucks, you and bae can take a one-hour wheel throwing class at Yay Clay!, a pottery studio in Port Richmond. Most importantly: It’s BYOB (!)
How much it costs: You’ve got three options:
- $39 for a one-hour BYOB wheel throwing class for two ($80 value)
- $75 for a one-hour BYOB wheel throwing class for four ($160 value)
- $109 for a one-hour BYOB wheel throwing class for six ($240 value)
And an important note about the cost: Glazing of clay piece completed separately for an additional fee of $20 per person.
When the deal expires: Promotional value expires 90 days after purchase.
5. See T.I. next week at the TLA
What the deal is: Big things are poppin’ at the TLA next Wednesday. Rapper T.I. is performing May 10 at 8 p.m. and you can snag a ticket from Groupon for $45. This is a hot deal for those of us who do not have stacks on deck or Patrón on ice.
How much it costs: $45 (as opposed to $63.)
When it expires: May 10.
6. Get a photoshoot for your dog
What the deal is: Do you feel that your Instagram simply does not have enough photos of your pet? Is your iPhone insufficient? Do you have an extra $53 that you just don’t know what to do with? Excellent. You can get this Groupon and take your pet to Royal Focus, a photography studio in Northeast Philadelphia, for a 30-minute photo sesh with retouched digital images.
How much it costs: $53, which is apparently a 70 percent (!) discount.
When it expires: Promotional value expires 120 days after purchase.
7. Philly Renaissance Faire
What the deal is: The Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire is a weird and wonderful mixture of bizarre outfits, turkey legs and sweaty people, and we can only assume the Philadelphia version is just as enlightening. The event takes place in Southwest Philly and goes for two weekends in May: the 13th to 14th and the 20th to 21st.
How much it costs: $24 for two people to get in for a day; $45 for four people for a day. That’s a more than 40 percent discount.
When it expires: Promotional value expires May 21.
8. ‘NYC Comedy’ at the Raven Lounge
What the deal is: Somehow, the Raven Lounge is apparently turned into a place where events can be held and they’ll be hosting five comedy nights throughout the summer featuring “NYC Comedy,” whatever that means. It’s apparently a reference to brothers Jordan and Bret Raybould — THEY DO COMEDY IN NEW YORK, OK — are apparently bringing along other comedians who’ve appeared on Netflix, MTV and Comedy Central. Crossing my fingers it’s the ex-host of Room Raiders.
How much it costs: $10 (as opposed to $23.)
When it expires: Sept. 23.
9. Tarot card reading
What the deal is: Now instead of wasting $55 on this black magic shit, you can just waste $14 on it. Psychic Readings by Jace, located in a house on the Boulevard in Northeast Philly, is offering 75 percent discounts on its tarot card reading services. Good luck. May the odds be ever in your favor, or something like that.
How much it costs: Choose from four options:
- $14 for one tarot-card reading ($55 value)
- $28 for two tarot-card readings ($110 value)
- $42 for three tarot-card Readings ($165 value)
- $20 for one two-person reading ($80 value)
When it expires: Promotional value expires 210 days after purchase.
10. Quit smoking with the help of ~hypnosis~
What the deal is: This is a “smoking cessation hypnosis” session at Hornstein, Platt and Associates in Rittenhouse. It’s described as such: “Hypnosis attempts to tap into the subconscious, where childhood memories live and unreleased burps go to die. Delve deep with this Groupon.” It’s unclear how burps are related to smoking. Anyone with a degree in science and/or health who knows why burps are relevant here, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line “I know something you don’t know.”
How much it costs: $177 for a 90-minute smoking-cessation hypnosis session (which they say is a $350 value). Clients also receive a 20-minute follow-up phone call.
When it expires: Promotional value expires 90 days after purchase. That means you’ve got three months to work up the courage to actually do it.