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Matcha shakes aren’t new to Wawa, but the convenience store chain has recently promoted them as a particularly ~lucky~ item, including them on a special St. Patrick’s Day menu (presumably because of their green color).

This made us curious: how do these green shakes stack up to the famed McDonald’s Shamrock Shake, the classic St. Paddy’s treat with a special Philly connection?

Wonder no more. The Billy Penn team conducted a taste test so you don’t have to.

Well… we didn’t really have to either, but what’s life without a little artificial coloring on a workday afternoon? After all, Philly is apparently the best city for celebrating St. Patrick’s Day this year. (Availability of green milkshakes was not one of the factors that went into WalletHub’s calculation, to be clear. We don’t think.)

On Wednesday around 2 p.m., editor Danya Henninger ordered a total of 11 milkshakes — three from Wawa, and eight from McDonald’s, which she said she thought would be smaller. All were successfully delivered to our office in Old City (thank you, GrubHub drivers!), and an absolute mess ensued. We managed to take some photos, and then took to Slack to discuss.

Impressions around the newsroom varied widely.

Development and engagement manager Jessica deRivera, deputy editor Beatrice Forman, reporter Jordan Levy, and Danya tested the two shakes side-by-side. Reporter Asha Prihar took a Shamrock Shake but passed on tasting the mint matcha shake at first (she’d never had matcha before and thought this probably wasn’t the best way to try it), but later tried a sip after Danya insisted. Intern Bibiana Correa and reporter Michaela Winberg observed.

Here’s a (lightly edited) look at the team’s milkshake musings — our collective dairy diary, if you will.

Danya: ok this is now a shake review channel
Danya: for the record, jordan has already deemed this whole situation “grim”
Michaela: i’ll state for the record if i drink that i’ll pass away in the work bathroom and that’s humiliating
Jess: also let it be known the facilities manager gave us a stern warning upon seeing the shakes
Jess: work hazard
Bea: would also like to note that mcdonalds provides straws and free whipped cream
Bea: unmatched service

Michaela: asha is cleaning up the table
Michaela: hero
Danya: do not, I repeat do not leave the shake discussion
Asha: i am apparently not cleaning the table anymore because this is more important (per danya)

Asha: anyway, i have a full shamrock shake but have not tried the matcha because it looks too healthy
Danya: wow tho, the matcha shake is INTENSE
Bea: the matcha shake is a butterface or whatever: looks gross, kinda tastes like a eating a green cloud
Danya: a green cloud sprinkled with dirt
Bea: the dirt is part of the experience
Asha: i already had my vegetables for the day
Jordan: matcha is surprisingly good

Danya: shamrock shake leaves like a slime coating on your throat
Jordan: yea the shamrock is actually appalling in comparison
Jess: shamrock shake color is probably so much fun to look at on psychedelics
Bea: im sorry but the shamrock shake would taste so fun drunk
Bea: it tastes good when fries are dipped in it
Jordan: says who!?
Bea: if i had one after the bar crawl i think it would’ve recast the whole situation
Danya: the shamrock shake tastes like toothpaste whipped with cream
Bea: the toothpaste taste is the point
Asha: i second bea
Bea: u are not ordering bc it tastes good. u are ordering it bc of the novelty
Danya: but the texture?
Jess: the texture is slimy, i don’t like how my saliva feels anymore

Bibi: me and michaela are rooting for yall from afar
Michaela: you’re all gonna pass away and me and bibi are gonna have to run bp
Jordan: godspeed, I believe in you two

Jess: the closer i get to the bottom, the more it becomes like creamy mouthwash
Danya: yeah, better than creamy toothpaste
Michaela: i’m so worried omg

Danya: now the question, who will take a shamrock shake
Danya: will I be able to get rid of them in the office
Asha: so many people would
Asha: they’re iconic
Asha: a philly staple
Asha: go birds!
Michaela: i’m lost in the sauce of this channel

Credit: Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

Bea: honestly ordering either of these products with ur full chest is a red flag
Bea: imagine going on a date with someone and them ordering a shamrock shake?
Bea: yike, canceled
Asha: huge green flag
Danya: shows they have confidence
Bea: confidence…but at what cost
Bibi: no i agree with bea this is a red flag
Danya: if ur going to mcd’s with your date, that’s the first flag

Danya: update, I gave them all away in record time

Half an hour later…

Danya: addendum: I am *extremely* thirsty
Jess: my mouth feels kinda numb
Asha: do we have final votes for which is better
Asha: i’m team shamrock shake
Danya: matcha
Jess: matcha all the way
Jordan: matcha for sure
Bea: jeopardy super star mehek boparai says “i love shamrock shakes”
Bea: celebs! they’re just like us
Asha: i can’t believe we did this