Former FBI director Jim Comey’s highly-anticipated testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee is set to begin Thursday at 10 a.m. You know, the one where he’s asked about Trump and the Russia investigation. You could plan to be anxiously scanning Twitter from work the whole time — or, like this guy might be doing, you could just skip the office entirely and get good and sloshed to make it all easier to deal with.
Let’s discuss the latter.
There aren’t too many bars in Philly that open early, but you do have a few morning drinking options. You could:
1. Hit up one of the 1,900-plus places in Philadelphia to purchase alcohol beforehand and slowly drink the morning away in the comfort of your own home. (Absolutely all of the major networks are carrying it.) Here’s a map of every place in Philly where you can buy booze. You’re welcome!
2. Check out one of the spots that regularly serve weekday brunch — such as Hawthorne’s, Front Street Cafe or Green Eggs’ Center City location — to get tipsy on a Bloody Mary or a whole lotta mimosas. (No guarantee they’ll be showing the testimony live, though.)
3. Hit up one of the handful of heroic Philadelphia bars that do open early; see below. (Let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org if there are any we missed.)
1100 Chestnut St. in Market East
This place is one of the best bars in the city to drink early. Milkboy opens daily at 7 a.m. with its full bar and food menu, largely because it caters to medical and hospital workers in the area who work all hours of the day. You could literally stay here and drink all day through happy hour and late night, if you’re feeling up to it.
Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar
1200 E. Passyunk Ave. in South Philly
This dive bar in South Philly near the intersection of East Passyunk and Federal Street has a poppin’ late night scene and some of our favorite karaoke in the city. But it also apparently opens bright and early at 7 a.m., even on weekdays. You can even smoke the morning away too, if that’s your jam.
Les and Doreen’s Happy Tap
1301 E. Susquehanna Ave. in Fishtown
This Fishtown dive bar at the intersection of Susquehanna and Thompson is probably exactly what you would expect: Small-ish place, cheap drinks, chill people. Perfect.
1420 Ellsworth St. in South Philly
This dive bar in South Philly just on the edge of Point Breeze opens at 7 a.m. Monday to Saturday and seems like the perfect place for a stiff drink just ahead of Comey’s testimony. They even have breakfast options. Bonus: It’s apparently “the best-decorated bar in Philadelphia.”
Con Murphy’s Pub
1700 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy in Center City
This Irish spot right on the Parkway actually opens early at 6:30 a.m. And the restaurant tells us that the bartender usually gets in right around 10 a.m. — just in time for Comey-time. (However, sounds like you can get a drink from a server before then, too.)
2701 S. Marshall St. in South Philly
This neighborhood spot along Oregon Avenue in South Philly has a full bar open at 7 a.m. It’s also a smoking bar and has a menu of bar food to choose from.
8000 Essington Ave.
Hey, at least you know they’re open early… and there are plenty of food and drink options as you plot your flight out of the country and that big move to Canada you’ve been yelling about since Nov. 8.